Wednesday, July 21, 2010

CONSPIRACY THEORY: Your Team Is F**ked!

"I got 99 problems, but the Crew ain't one"

FACT:  The Don isn't selling Landon Donovan before January.
ASSUMPTIONS:  Rafa Marquez will be in NY, and Ronaldinho in LA by the end of the month.

Based on the above, If I were a Columbus Crew (and to a lesser extent, Real Salt Lake) fan...I'd be pissing myself right now.  Not because of the fact that by this time next moth, you'll (at best) be the 3rd best team in the league, but because there's no way in Hell that Don Garber is going to let you play in the MLS Cup Final.  No way.  No chance.  No how.

For real.  I cannot confirm this, but my sources inside the MLS offices have told me that Don Garber is presently sacrificing virgins to Satan in hopes of guaranteeing a Galaxy v. Red Bulls Final.  It would be the single biggest event the league has ever seen.  Landon Donovan, Edson Buddle, Ronaldinho and Bruce Arena on one side...Juan Pablo Angel, Thierry Henry and Rafa Marquez on the other.  I can assure you, that if it came to it, The Don would have Schellotto shot at halftime of the Eastern Conference Finals if necessary to make this happen.
You boys in CowTown are screwed!  It won't matter how good you are.  Your team is the innocent lamb set for slaughter.  And I love it!

Strange referee decisions, funny allocations, salary cap rule bending...all that good shit.  In favor of NY and LA for the rest of the season.  The 2010 playoffs are gonna be officiated like a WWE pay-per-view event (or the NBA) . . .and its the right way to go.

Yes...easy for me to say when the team I have 2 season tix for stands to benefit.  But be honest.  Isn't playing the game with a bit of...Italian political flair...the right thing to do for the sake of the greater good?  Coming off a hugely popular World Cup run, wouldn't it be a shame for MLS to waste such a prime opportunity?

Exactly.

So do it, Don.  Lie.  Cheat.  Hire the Juventus Board of Directors for a how-to session.  Do whatever it takes.  Make it happen.  Give us the star-studded glory match for the Cup that none of us could have even dreamed of 5yrs ago.  Give us New York and Los Angeles.  By any means necessary.

1 comment:

Anthony said...

HAHHAHAHAHAA!! Reminds me of the NBA - David Stern and the mouth watering match-ups of the Celtics and Lakers