Monday, March 22, 2010

I Think It's Pointless Prediction Time...

Hello...I'm a blogger.
I like to type things and have strangers read them.
I think it's an only-child syndrome situation, lol.

REGARDLESS . . .I'm still high om taurine, inhaled concrete dust falling from Sec. 102 (and entirely too much Cruzan Rum) at the Red Bull Arena opening, so I feel like making some predictions, as this combination of things has surely given me the ability to foresee the future.  Yes.

So let's have at it.
As I am no expert, and I refuse to be unbiased about anything, I'll keep it short and sweet, and only expound where I feel it necessary.

Eastern Conference:
1. Columbus Crew - MLS Cup winners are what the history books witll remember, but I'm one of those obnoxious pseudo-traditionalist jerks that says the Supporters' Shield is the true sign of quality in MLS.  Columbus took that thing last year, and nothing's changed to make me think otherwise for 2010

2.  Chicago Fire - No Blanco = good thing.  Efph that dude.  I will say though, I am afraid of Stern Collins John.

3.  New York Red Bulls - Preseason champs!!!  We kicked more tin can ass than anyone else in the league this off-season.  My therapist says to go the optimism route (AGAIN) for 2010.  The new faces, with the exception of Tchani, oddly enough, have been very impressive.  I have fully talked myself into a nice playoff run for this year.

4.  New England Revolution - Don't quote me on this, but I'm almost certain that in the initial league charter, it was written that New England will never finish lover than 4th in the Conference.  Rules are rules.  But my god, New England is the moist sandwich bread of American soccer.  I'm not even really sure what that means...but I'm trying to say I find them to be unpleasant, but not so horrible that they can ruin a meal.

5.  Kansas City Wizards - They have a strange good karma glow about them.

6.  Philadelphia Union - Meh.

7.  Toronto FC - Your team will be utter shit...wait, forgot who I was talking to..."shite".  But cheer up, you WILL lead the leage in fan arrests, and gallons of pepper spray used against.

8.  DC United - The homeless scum probably have the most talentless roster in the team's history.  Half their "supporters" have jumped ship and wear Philly shirts now.  It's a flaming coaster ride to hell in DC, and I will enjoy watching it.

[Western Conference after the jump]

Westerm Conference:

1.  Seattle Sounders FC - The two team ahead of them last year lost entirely too much to contend again.  Seattle wins the West by default.

2.  Chivas USA - I probably would have taken them 1st...but I didn't feel like it.  The whole "Chivas" thing still bothers me (ironic, I know...and don't care).  And will their two best players even still be on the team by season's end?  Perhaps not.

3.  Real Salt Lake - Note to American soccer media:  If any of you use the phrase "champion's swagger" this year, I will find you and beat you.

4.  Houston Dynamo - Never saw a team gutted for talent like this, but I won't bet against Dom Kinnear.

5.  Los Angeles Galaxy - Impossible to really predict LA's season.  How long is Donovan staying?  Can they ditch Beckham and bring in some more talent?  Who knows?  I for one, hope not.  Galaxy fans are feeling themselves WAY too much, and need to be taken down a peg.

6.  Colorado Rapids - I hate Connor Casey.

7.  FC  Dallas - Yawn.

8.  San Jose - I was just informed that San Jose is back in MLS.  Congrats to the city.

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