Mercury's in Retrograde

For real...it is!
So don't take it personally when you're trying to talk to your woman, she takes it wrong and you end up getting punched in the neck.

It's not your fault. It's his.
Scientific analysis: Apparently, ol' Mercury gets upset when his planet is in the wrong spot, and he comes down to Earth and metaphorically farts in everyone's Cheerios. Good times.