2010 Afro-Punk Festival BMX Competition

2010 Afro-Punk BMX Comp from Zack Schwartz on Vimeo.

Highlights from the event of a few weekends ago.
Once again...I wasn't there.

Terry Adams & Aaron Ross x Odyssey

THE LATEST VIDEO FROM ODYSSEYBMX.COM

If you love me...and you do...you will buy these wheels for me.

The New York/Philly Thing . . .

FOR THE RECORD:  These vids were taken at the SAME POINT in the game, with both teams rockin' the same jam at the start of the match:

Rookies:

Seasoned Vets:

(Props to Calpico for spotting the vids)

I guess I'd be remiss (fancy phrase, right?) if I didn't chuck my 2 pennies in on the first meeting of these two titans of global football (shut up and roll with it).

I can sum it up pretty quickly:  Philly just isn't ready yet.

(Wo)Man-for-(wo)man, Philly is...respectable...in terms of support.  They genuinely love their team.  More importantly, they damn sure represent the patch of soil that team plays for.
BUT...as a group.  Nah.  Not even close to being ready for the "I-95 Derbies" or whatever the fuck we're calling the DC-Philly-NY Triangle of Death.  By MLS standards, DC and NY fanbases aren't to be taken lightly, and literally being thrown right into the middle of that hell storm is doing the Sons of Ben no favors.  Their total numbers are fairly impressive, but their songs, creativity, and above all else, EFFORT, was actually pretty disappointing.  I expected/hoped for better.

Philly/SoBs...what you guys do is really...adorable...but you're not ready for prime time yet.  You're new, so you have time.  But it's gonna be a while before your fans are even close to being mentioned with the same hatred as DC...or even Toronto.  Sorry.

::Shrugs::

"Excuse me.  Was you sayin' somethin'?!

Uh-Uhh...you can't tell me nothin'!" - K. West

3 wins and 1 loss, ladies.
Its really hard to hear all that Philly chatter from way up here.

"Men lie, women lie...numbers don't" - S. Carter

1	New York Red Bulls	9	4		3	1	0		4	3	1
2	Kansas City Wizards	6	3		2	1	0		5	1	4
3	New England Revolution	6	4		2	2	0		6	4	2
4	Columbus Crew	4	2		1	0	1		4	2	2
5	Chicago Fire	4	4		1	2	1		5	5	0
6	Philadelphia Union	3	3		1	2	0		4	6	-2
7	Toronto FC	3	4		1	3	0		4	10	-6
8	D.C. United	0	4		0	4	0		2	11	-9

MLS: Week 3 Predictions For That Ass

Somehow I failed my massive, adoring public and forgot to make my predictions for last Saturday's game.  Rest assured that they all would have been perfect anyway.

Let's begin, shall we...
(Away v. Home)

New York 1-0 Chivas USA:  A Haiku
The Goat leaves hungry.
Kljestan: All name. No glory.
The Bull feasts. Scores one.

DC United 0-0 Philadelphia:  The game will never get a chance to kick off.  The stadium will be shut down in a joint effort by the Environmental Protection Agency and the Center for Disease Control due to unprecedented levels of scum detected both in the stands and on the field.

OR

At the start of the second half, Donovan McNabb runs onto the field in a DC United shirt to the sound of Stone Cold Steve Austin's theme music and gives a Stunner to Jack McInerny.  He is arrested for child abuse.  A riot ensues.

Toronto 1-3 New England:  Toronto does its best to stay in the lead for the Third Circle of Hell Cup (the unofficial trophy competition between TFC, DCU and PU)

Colorado 2-3 Kansas City:  Yeah.

Los Angeles 2-1 Houston:  At the games conclusion, Arena and Kinnear will meet at midfield and exchange handshakes and deliver Brando's "I coulda been a contender" monologue.

Columbus 3-0 Dallas:  A late field goal by GBS to cover the spread.

San Jose 0-2 Chicago:  Because San Jose isn't good.  I don't have a joke for this.  It's a very sad thing.

Seattle 2-2 Salt Lake:  It is revealed that Nate Jaqua's injury is actually a fake, and just a sorry excuse to go on his previously scheduled pub crawl with Ben Roethlisberger...while Freddy Montero watches the action from the bushes outside.

Let's Play The Feuuuuuud!! (RBNY - PU Edition)

Have a look at this action, right here:

Sat., Apr 24, 4PM - Philadelphia @ New York:  League match. 
First ever (proper*) meeting between the two team and fanbases.  What are we gonna call this thing anyway?  The Turnpike Tumolt?  The Battle for the Soul of South Jersey (as if they had them)?

and then...

Tues., Apr 27, 8PM - Philadelphia @ New York:  US Open Cup
That's right, Philly!  It's bargain shoppin' time at Red Bull Arena!  2-for-1 ass kickins in 76hrs, and you only have to drive 2hrs.  Recession pricing to keep things economical.

* Let's not forget how those Philly fools got worked at the Draft

MLS 2010: Two Weeks In

Lets all get together and laugh at crazy ol' Uncle Faux for forgetting to do a predictions post for Saturday's games . . .whoops.  See, kids, this is why I don't have a press pass (yeah...that's why).  Needless to say, the predictions I would have made were 100% accurate, so perhaps it wasn't even necessary.

But I digress . . .sometimes it's hard to remember one's blogsponsibilities (yeah!) when he's looking down on the MLS commoners from waaaaaay at the top of the table.  The air is thin up here.  It's effects the memeory center of the brain.  For real.  Look it up.

Anyway...HOLY SHIT, New York is 2-0!!!
And not a cheap 2-0 either like we beat San Jose and Dallas back-to-back.  This is quality shit.  Consecutive shut outs at home v. Chicago and @ Seattle.  I couldn't be more impressed.  It's seems like that sale of my soul I made to that "devil" fellow wasn't just nonsense afterall.

DC...I knew you were on a kerosene-soaked train ride to Hell this year.  I just didn't know you were taking the express line.  Damn.

Toronto made a wise choice by not playing this week.  It seems that Preki is one gov't subsidized valium away from a bloody rampage.  I do admit, I'm pretty excited for the complete crapfest of DC @ PU on Sat...assuming I'm sober enough after the NY @ chivas game to even have a clue what's going on there.

Chris Kamara: The Pay-Attentionist

Sudenly Max Bretos ain't so bad, is he?!

MLS Week 2 Predictions (Thursday Games)

You didn't believe in my powers last week, did you?
Now look at you.  $600 in the hole to a dude from Bayonne nammed Bobby the Chin.
NEVER DOUBT ME AGAIN!!!

Now...

Let's move on to Week 2.  I'll save weekend games for another day, but allow me to stun you once again with my incredible prognostication skills skillz for the two Thursday night games:

Houston 1-2 Real Salt Lake:  Ba-da-ding-ding-ding-ding-WHOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHH.  I hate you, Beckerman.  Ras Kyle will be beaten senseless by a furious Jamaican immediately after kickoff.  I will then recline my seat...sip my tea...and chuckle.

LA Galaxy 3-1  Chivas USA:  I have contacted the Chivas front office, and I can confirm that if the Goats lose this game, the Galaxy will tear up their lease and force the team to merge with DC to form the new St. Louis Utd.

Week 1 Predictions!

 Hello, friends.  It's new blog feature time.
Week 1 of the MLS season is finally upon us.  And it is time to prove to you, the reader, that when it comes to Major League Soccer...I am all knowing.

I am Negrodamus.
Challenge me if you will, but rest assured that you will be crushed and left in a whimpering pile of internet shame once all of my scores are proven correct.

At this time, I suggest you contact your local bookie, and wager vast sums of money, doing exactly as I tell you.  Let's begin, shall we:


Friday:
(Away v. Home)

Colorado 1-2 Chivas USA:  Connor Casey scores early to give the the Rapids the lead, but he will be arrested by federal authorities at half time and charged with domestic terrorism stemming from an incident in which he threatened to "cram" his John Deere riding mower inside his town's mayor, for not allowing him to build a combination outhouse/smokehouse in his back yard.  Playing with only 10 men, Colorado will easily surrender 2 second half goals.

Saturday:

Houston 2-0 Dallas:  As a side wager, I suggest gambling on the over/under of each 1 goal vs. each 1000 fans in attendance.  Go with the goals.

Toronto v. Columbus will be postponed when the gods of irony strike down on Toronto and a train full of toxic chemicals wrecks upon TFC's arrival in the city, and the game must be halted due to safety concerns

Chicago 0-3 New York:  Chicago's rookie keeper, Somethingorother Whatshisface, will literally piss himself when faced with making his first start in a sold-out Red Bull Arena.  He will slip in the puddle, resulting in a hip injury.  Left with no GK alternatives, Chicago is thrashed by the charging Bulls.

DC United vs Kansas City will also be stricken by the irony gods.  In this case, it is an actual dumpster fire in the stadium that keeps the game from being played.

Real Salt Lake 0-0 San Jose:  I will take a nap.

New England 1-3 Los Angeles:  New England will be forced to play with mostly reserve players after the majority of the starting line-up refuse to exit the team plane once they realize that they are, in fact, back in Los Angeles again.

REAL-ly?!

 Dear soccer media,

Have we all forgotten that RSL finished 5th in the West last year with an 11-12-7 record?
The go on a hot run for the Cup and suddenly they're a top 3 team in the league?
What the hell changed to make them contenders?
As my Dad would say: "Geeeeeeeeeeeet the fuck outta here with that bullshit".

Sincerely,

- FF&SS

Philly...Damn.

WTF was that??
What did I watch last night?

That was honestly one of the more disgraceful performances by a professional team that I have seen in quite a while.  BUT...I will applaud the Union for doing a marvelous job of embodying the soul of their home town:  Talentless, violent, overly agressive, ugly...and winless.

Good lord, man.
That shit made me wanna delete all my .mp3s from The Roots.

Hey, Seattle . . .

Can y'all do me a favor?
Whoop...that...ASS!!!

I don't want Philly fans to celebrate a damn thing.  I want them cry on the shoulders of their chain-smoking, Cheeze Whiz eatin', snaggle-toothed girlfriends tonight.

NO MERCY!
Seattle . . .there is no fear in this dojo!

Do it for me.  Do it for America! 
Seriously who the hell actually wants Philly to be successful?
Efph that noise.

Do this for me, and I won't make fun of the fact that your crown noise is pumped in over speakers and none of you even knew soccer was played in America before 2008.
DAMMIT!  Sorry!  I can't help it.  The venom just slips sometimes.  My bad.

But for real . . .make it happen.
4-0 Seattle.  Put it WORK, son!
(and you still owe me for that home-opener ass beating you gave my boys last year)

RUMOR: RBNY to Drop New Remix

Word around Newark is that the next remix/remake of the East Coast smash, "Bimmer, Benz or Bentley" with be a track by RBNY's GM Eric Soler, Coach Hans Backe and new midfielder Joel Lindpere.  The track will supposedly be titled, "Norweigan, Swedish or Estonian"









At least 3 of you reading this took me seriously for a minimum of 5sec.

I Think It's Pointless Prediction Time...

Hello...I'm a blogger.
I like to type things and have strangers read them.
I think it's an only-child syndrome situation, lol.

REGARDLESS . . .I'm still high om taurine, inhaled concrete dust falling from Sec. 102 (and entirely too much Cruzan Rum) at the Red Bull Arena opening, so I feel like making some predictions, as this combination of things has surely given me the ability to foresee the future.  Yes.

So let's have at it.
As I am no expert, and I refuse to be unbiased about anything, I'll keep it short and sweet, and only expound where I feel it necessary.

Eastern Conference:
1. Columbus Crew - MLS Cup winners are what the history books witll remember, but I'm one of those obnoxious pseudo-traditionalist jerks that says the Supporters' Shield is the true sign of quality in MLS.  Columbus took that thing last year, and nothing's changed to make me think otherwise for 2010

2.  Chicago Fire - No Blanco = good thing.  Efph that dude.  I will say though, I am afraid of Stern Collins John.

3.  New York Red Bulls - Preseason champs!!!  We kicked more tin can ass than anyone else in the league this off-season.  My therapist says to go the optimism route (AGAIN) for 2010.  The new faces, with the exception of Tchani, oddly enough, have been very impressive.  I have fully talked myself into a nice playoff run for this year.

4.  New England Revolution - Don't quote me on this, but I'm almost certain that in the initial league charter, it was written that New England will never finish lover than 4th in the Conference.  Rules are rules.  But my god, New England is the moist sandwich bread of American soccer.  I'm not even really sure what that means...but I'm trying to say I find them to be unpleasant, but not so horrible that they can ruin a meal.

5.  Kansas City Wizards - They have a strange good karma glow about them.

6.  Philadelphia Union - Meh.

7.  Toronto FC - Your team will be utter shit...wait, forgot who I was talking to..."shite".  But cheer up, you WILL lead the leage in fan arrests, and gallons of pepper spray used against.

8.  DC United - The homeless scum probably have the most talentless roster in the team's history.  Half their "supporters" have jumped ship and wear Philly shirts now.  It's a flaming coaster ride to hell in DC, and I will enjoy watching it.

[Western Conference after the jump]

Because the League DOES Have Other Teams . . .

 

It's not often that I give props to another team (because really, I have some level of dislike for all of you), but I have to applaud the Columbus Crew for coming out of their winter hibernation and nearly knocking off Toluca.  The Champions Leage just isn't in MLS' favor, but Columbus was more than impressive over those 2 legs.  I was gonna pick them to do quite well this year anyway (more on that later...assuming the season starts next week...yeah...), but to see the form they're already in is pretty frightening.

And in other events, DC and Toronto went at it last night in the Carolina Challenge Cup...
Unfortunately, the stadium didn't collapse with both teams inside it.
A real pre-season tragedy.

(Sorry, all the positive vibes were making me feel ill)

The Path to Red Bull Arena

(For the non-locals that don't get the double entendre, the PATH is the name of the train from either NYC or Newark that stops 3 blocks away from the Arena)

I swear I didn't cry after watching this.
WHO SAYS I DID?!  You wanna get cut?!

Saturday's game against Santos is a long time comin'*, and the postponed soft opener has made this week seem eternal.  But here we are, 2 days away from something alot of deserving fans have waited over a decade for:  Our own house.

The team has been a limp mule of a franchise (under any name).  The fanbase is 2 good sips of beer away from civil war.  Times are generally tough for all of us that care about this game, but on Saturday, all that shit is gone.  15 years of swamp stink will be washed off.  The reset button will be pressed. [Insert various "fresh start" cliches].  It's a new day.

* Yeah...I went Sam Cooke.  It's that important for us around here.

Empire State Building to Light Up In Honor of Red Bull Arena Opening

Not sure why this makes me so happy, but it does:

Empire State Building Lighting
The New York Red Bulls are proud to announce its partnership with the Empire State Building. This is a special opportunity for the New York Red Bulls and Red Bull Arena to partner with the world’s most famous office building and its world famous tower lights.The Empire State Building will be lit up in red and white to match the New York Red Bulls kits on March 20th, the Grand Opening of Red Bull Arena!

To which, I respond the only way I see fit.
No confirmation to the rumor that the building was named after the supporters' club.

Down Goes Beckham...

This is what I wanted, right?  My arch-enemy, David Beckham, on the ground, in tears, knowing he has played in his last World Cup match.  Shouldn't I be flying a "Mission Accomplished" banner across the front of my house?

I can't stand the man.  I want him to fail at all times on the field.
But this ending just doesn't feel right.  It's hollow.
If you had told me of this possible scenario a week ago, my instant reaction would have been "GOOD!  Fuck 'em!".  But I honestly feel terrible for the guy.

I've learned that when I spend the energy needed to properly "hate" an opposing player, its, usually born out of either respect or fear of what he can do to damage my own team.  If Beckham was just some pretty boy scrub on LA's bench, my eyes wouldn't go red at the mention of his name.  For that reason, I'm in the very uncomfortable position of feeling sympathy for a man that I would genuinely love to punch if given the chance.

Yeah . . .don't get me wrong.  This isn't an about-face on how much I despise David Beckham.  It's the feeling that someone who is so worthy of my hatred, is also worthy of a better final scene.  I feel like Lex Luthor if he got a text and someone told him that Superman died from the flu.  I want him to fail miserably.  But not like this.  I wanted his constant disloyalty and disrespect to his American club to lead to that World Cup roster spot he was willing to piss on American fans for.  I wanted him to play the full 90 against the US in June.  I wanted to beat him.  I wanted the game-winning goal to be his fault.

But instead, what I got was the player I hated more than all others (no disrespect to The Frenchist) in tears, crumpled in a ball, knowing that the thing he wanted more than anything else was just taken from him in an instant.  As much as I'd like to...I can't bring myself to celebrate it.

The MLS Fan Flow Chart

 (Click image for increased bigness)

This is one of the 11 greatest soccer-related internet images I have ever seen.
It appears to have been made by a dude (or lay-dee, I don't discriminate) named "cowtown".
Presumably, said creature is a Crew supporter*

* and therefore a racialist (sorry, I can't help but be horrible to opposing fans)